If you know me at all, you know that one of my biggest passions is missions. I love to travel the world and tell people about Jesus. I have changed the entire course of my life and tattooed my body and I have told everyone that sharing Jesus is my passion. But if you REALLY knew me - the Emily that is on the inside that only me and God truly know - you would know that I am not living for that passion. I'm not saying that I am not passionate about Jesus or missions. I am. But do I live my every waking, breathing, speaking, thinking moment in pursuit of what I have openly claimed is my purpose? No.
More often that not, I worship Emily. I worship my own comfort. I worship my own reputation. I worship being cool and looking cool and sounding cool. I worship relationships and opinions. I worship shoes and sports, and other impermanent things. I worship doing ministry. I worship seeming spiritual. I worship being right. I simply worship Emily 24/7, 365 days a year. I am all I ever think about. Now I am not saying this to seem so hard on myself but, if I honestly put my heart on trial, I am guilty of all of these on a daily/hourly/minute-by-minute basis. I think we all are. We all have allowed the things that we worship and things that make us feel good to influence our purpose. I know I do. And I am praying that I am not alone in this.
The more that I have launched myself into a Christian education and a world that revolves around Jesus, the more I have realized how little my world revolves around Him. Sure, a few days a week as I drive to school I think how beautiful the sunrise is and how cool it is that my God created that beautiful thing. And then I say thanks and start singing the song that is on the radio. I mean...that can't be enough. My mind is not consumed with Jesus. My heart is not consumed with Jesus. I am consumed and overwhelmed by myself. I am all that matters to me.
Recently I had to read the book Radical by David Platt for school and, to be honest, I skimmed half of it so I could finish the assignment. But, as we discussed the book in class, I realized that I'm not radical. Not even close, truthfully. If you asked me yesterday, I would have told you that I am absolutely radical about Jesus. I live my life in a radical way to reach people for Christ radically. But today, if you ask me, I guess I would have to say no. Yes, I am much more radical than your average Christian. I have gone on more mission trips and have more spiritual "things" that I do. So yeah, I am not as average compared to other people. But is that my measuring stick? Is that how I am supposed to live? If I am better than the average person around me then I am doing pretty good? Nope. Not really. If I am, at best, 50% radical...is that really all that radical? It's not. Being radical is an all or nothing thing. You either are or you aren't. I am called to live like Jesus. I am called to follow Him. And sometimes that means being radical.
How am I supposed to tell people that Jesus is the most important thing when all I ever do I something other than Jesus? Isn't that why we are here? To touch the lives of prostitutes and bankers and drug dealers and teachers and single moms and football coaches. The love of God has overwhelmed my soul. The love of God has overcome all the stuff I try to use to block it. There's no wall I can build or place I can go that God's love cannot reach me and pull me right back. And I need to be going to the places that seem unreachable. I need to be the arm of God's love reaching out to the people who need Him the most. God asks me to be that. In fact, He doesn't even ask me. He commands me. He sends me into that place. Where darkness seems to have won and hurt and brokenness are everywhere. Have you ever been to those places? I am reminded of my favorite place in Haiti when I think of these dark places. The brothel. I have been there and it is not a joy-filled room when you first get there. There are men who are waiting for prostitutes. There are men who have just abused prostitutes. These prostitutes are my friends and it hurts to walk into a room and know that the man I am looking in the eyes has hurt one of my friends. But he still needs Jesus. And my friends, they need Jesus. As we begin Bible study, the love of Jesus overcomes the hurt and brokenness and singing breaks out and smiles. The women laugh and sing with us. We have dance battles and praise Jesus. In one of the darkest places I have ever been, God was there. This is what living radically looks like. But do I live this way every day?
There was nothing ordinary about Jesus. Ok. Yes, the whole carpenter thing seems pretty average. But He was a RADICAL rabbi. He wasn't like all the other average dudes around Him. He was an insane, blaspheming hipster to them. He ate with prostitutes and tax collectors. He had uneducated and under qualified followers that smelled like fish all the time. There is nothing ordinary about that. But that is what was so radical about Jesus. He did the things that seem like a sacrifice in our eyes. I am not just talking about dying on the cross. I am talking about sacrificing His reputation, His comfort, His safety, His shelter, His religious standing. I mean, no good teacher of the Law would eat dinner with a sinner. He broke every "rule" the Pharisees thought they needed to follow. He was probably the most anti-Pharisee that has ever lived. He was opposite of the norm and out of control. And that is who we are supposed to be following and living for.
So why do I seem so normal? In all honesty, it is because I am pretty normal. But I am openly calling myself out. There is something extremely radical inside of me. There is some radical piece of my heart that is dying to be out of control. But I quiet that piece of my heart every day by ignoring it. I have shoved it to the back and left it for dead because it might cost me too much and I really can't afford it. What if it costs me my job? What if it costs me my acceptance? What if if costs me my safety? What if it costs me money? These are some of the things I hold onto. I let those things block me from being radical in the way I am called to be. I am supposed to be radical. It's a part of the life of a follower. And there's no room for half-hearted radicalism. There's no room for me if I am not giving all of my life and all of my heart to being who God has called me to be. That radical piece of my heart that is banging on the doors to get out is not going to be pushed away anymore.
To be honest, writing this has made me so scared. One of you is going to read this and then at some point you are going to see me and I am not going to live up to this post. I am fully aware that I am not going to live up to this. I am probably going to let myself down at some point. But there's a radical inside me. And there is a radical inside you. These radicals are dying to take over. They are dying for us to start eating dinner with prostitutes and giving away everything. Because Jesus is calling us to be radical. He is calling us to release this part of ourselves that is afraid of the cost. The cost is nothing compared to what we have gained in Jesus Christ. There is hope and salvation. Life is ours to freely live and to live radically. So let's do it!
Be radical.
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