Wasteland Adventures: The End Turned Into The Beginning.

I know it has been quite some time since my last post but it has taken me that long to think of something worthy of writing about. I am just now getting to the point where I feel like I have processed my trip. When I got home from Haiti I had 5 days at home and then I went straight back to college to work and then start school. At the time it was a necessary evil. I needed to go back and finish my responsibilities. But in hindsight I can see that God didn’t let me process everything in 5 days. It’s been 5 months and I don’t think I have processed everything! God has been working in so many ways in my life. And if you asked me 5 months ago what I would be doing I would have told you I would be on my way to finishing a degree in Exercise Science and I would be working for the Housing Department and that my life would barely change. But if you ask me today I can tell you that is not where I am going.

As a part of my processing, I have found that God is calling me to serve Him with my life. Not just in the everyday sense of living in submission to Christ but in the career sense of going into ministry. In particular, I feel like I am called to long term missions. (That means living overseas and sharing the Gospel full-time). That was development #1 in my journey to processing my Haitian summer. So I am choosing to leave FAU and transfer to Moody Bible Institute. It is not official but that is the plan anyway. I am going to move home and do Moody classes online and then eventually move to Chicago to go full-time. It is just a tentative plan. It is definitely subject to change. But that is where I have found God calling me. I want to major in Biblical Studies in order to get a Biblical foundation for a lifetime of missions. I could major in Intercultural Ministry and learn how each culture and country are different but I want to learn the theology of the Bible. I want to study the roots of my faith so I can deepen it and grow it so my ministry can be as effective as possible. I want to study the Bible academically and truly grow into understanding of the Scriptures.

Development #2 in my journey of processing was about my calling to Haiti. When I was 17 years old, I went to Costa Rica over spring break and then back to Costa Rica that same summer. I thought, “I like short term missions. I would do it again.” When I went to Moldova as a 19 year old, I thought the same thing. And each time I had my final goodbye with that country I knew that my work was finished. On my second trip to Costa Rica I knew that I would probably never go back and I didn’t feel sad. I felt complete. The same with Moldova. But leaving Haiti? That was one of the hardest things I have had to do in my life. The relationships I built were so deep. And the experiences I had were so amazing. But most of all the calling that God revealed to me is what changed me. My burden for that nation and those people, it is unexplainable. I wept for hours the day before I left just thinking about how it would actually be to land in the United States and actually be gone. I DID feel sad. And I DIDN’T feel complete. It was emptiness. And for a long time I had no idea why I felt so empty.

For a few months I cried a lot. And when I say a lot, I mean A LOT! I used to never cry. It was very rare occasions that I may well up 1 single tear. But these cry sessions I had over those few months consisted of intense weeping. Like crying so hard I couldn’t breathe. It was so strange to me that I was unable to even comprehend what was happening to me. I believe I was becoming more and more broken for the Gospel of Christ in this time. God was truly breaking me down to my very core and then He began to build me up. Every sermon I heard and every Scripture I read was exactly what I needed to hear at each exact moment. At the college ministry I attend we began to study the book of Acts. And it fed me like crazy. I couldn’t get enough and God used those teachings to reveal in me what needed to change. Over the past 5 months, I believe God has been slowly revealing to me things in my life that don’t need to be there. He is showing me things in my personality, friends, actions, and thoughts that prevent me from serving Him fully. He is showing me who I truly am and how much truly I need Him. He began emotional change in me. I guess you could say that is development #3. My goal in life used to be to satisfy myself and fill my heart with ungodly things. But now, every day I am reminded of whom I serve and He is continually using things in my life to take me back to that attitude of humility and service.

Some other, smaller developments in my life include meeting my bestest friends in the world (you know who you are). Creating an intern oath. Falling in love with a billion Haitian kiddos but 2 in particular (Caleb and Jomantha). Growing closer with my family (there is nothing like serving Christ you’re your family!). Learning Creole (I’m not totally fluent….yet). And getting a cross tattoo on my forearm. There are probably a billion developments in my life but these are a few of the biggest ones I can think of. I plan on interning for Northwest Haiti Christian Mission again for Summer 2014. If you made it through all this rambling then I ask you to be in prayer for me. Serving Christ is never easy and the Devil is out to get those who are truly seeking Christ. So please be in prayer for me as I venture into a new phase of life and ministry.